thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
