I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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