i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
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It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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