My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
