I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
