I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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