my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
