i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
