I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My vagina is officially offended.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize