I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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