This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
