You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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