i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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