garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
