I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
