I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
