Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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