youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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