U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
