Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
