she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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