whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
