i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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