so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I will pee on everything he values.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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