I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
