He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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