When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
