...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
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He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
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He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?