New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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