As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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