I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
