she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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