Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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