fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize