take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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