God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
