just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
