using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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