I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
