Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You are a genius and a whore.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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