they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
