she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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