Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
