I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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