were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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