Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize