At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
