i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
