i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
