I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
