Can Purell be used as lube?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
