I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
