You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
