i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
