I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
