I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
