if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
