I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
