I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
