we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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