Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
