im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
