OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
