I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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