Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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