She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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