Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
