just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
