Yo dont text me then not text me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
