One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
