I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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