this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
