He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
