there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm both gender and math confused
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
