my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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