I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
we're so committed to being not committed
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
