I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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