So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
