toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
