The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
