Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
